You’d think that with all the gender-related research that has taken place over the last 20 years, modern men and women would be better equipped to just accept our differences and live together peacefully. Informed by all those studies, I should be able to accept my husband’s hard-wired behavior, and he should be able to embrace my innate femaleness—because as research shows, it’s nothing personal.
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And in truth, men usually do accept that some things just “are what they are”—wives and girlfriends included—and cut us plenty of slack for behavior and attitudes that can seem a bit odd from a male perspective. (My husband still can’t fathom why my daughters and I find pedicures relaxing—to him it would be the worst form of tickle torture—but he gracefully accepts that our experience is different from his.)
By contrast, women often have a harder time of letting go and just accepting some of the manly quirks that show up in long-term relationships—removing the personal, in other words. One of these is a man’s tendency to make like a turtle and retreat into his shell when conflict appears on the horizon. In fact, for some guys, going silent is simply a default setting—whether happy, depressed, angry, or worried. Meanwhile, women have a hard time believing that not talking about a problem might actually be a healthy and loving strategy. If you frequently get frustrated with your guy for clamming up just when you’d like him to open up, are these some of the adjectives you mentally apply to his behavior?
Robyn Wahlgast is a Rules Certified Dating and Relationship Coach for Women. Need advice about your own dating situation? Consider booking a private consultation with Robyn. Never miss a new blog post: subscribe to our FREE newsletter.
